Empower Your Kids: Let Them Order Their Own Food
Want to reduce power struggles in your home? Try giving your kids more power.
No, we don’t mean letting them set their own bedtimes (yet) or choosing the furniture for the living room (unless you really like pink couches). We mean the simple things — such as, for instance, letting them order their own food in restaurants.
Next time you are at a sit-down restaurant, allow your children to talk directly to the server. Let them order their own drinks and meals, rather than going through you. Not only will this show your little ones that they are capable of such a task — a huge self-esteem boost for very young children — you also will teach them how to have confidence when asking for what they want from an adult. (So many messages are sent to children not to speak to strangers, so this is a wonderful opportunity for them to connect with adults in a positive way.)
How old can they start? As early as possible. Every child is different — and only you know yours — but most kids are ready to order for themselves by age 3 when given two choices.
One note: If you think your child is not speaking loudly enough when ordering, avoid correcting her to “speak up.” Let the server ask her to repeat her request. This way she will learn on her own to speak louder if necessary and you don’t create undue discomfort or anxiety for her. Plus, you will be surprised how much servers can hear if you keep quiet and let the interaction happen without interference.
Already letting your kid order her own food? Good for you! Now think about other similar areas in your life where you speak for your children when they could be speaking for themselves. This could be RSVPs for parties, buying things at a store, student-teacher conferences, or even making play dates or other appointments.
Give children the opportunity to be capable of “more” and they will show you how capable they really are.
Favorite Quotes
“It takes children to raise a village.”
Reverend Dr. Michael Beckwith
“Power is of two kinds: One is obtained by fear of punishment and the other by the art of love. Power based on love is a thousand times more effective and permanent than the one derived from fear of punishment.”
Gandhi
“Child of mine– I will never do for you that which I know you can do for yourself. I will never rob you of an opportunity to show yourself your ability and talent. I will see you at all times as the capable, effective, powerful creator that you have come forth to be. And I will stand back as your most avid cheering section. But, I will not do for you that which you have intended to do for yourself. Anything you need from me– ask. I’m always here to compliment or to assist, I am here to encourage your role, not to justify my experience through you.”
Abraham-Hicks
“If you talk to your children, you can help them to keep their lives together. If you talk to them skillfully you can help them to build future dreams.”
Jim Rohn
“Without awareness you do not have choice, you just react. Awareness gives you the ability to see things more clearly and choose from a larger perspective or vantage point.”
Reverend Dr. Michael Beckwith
“The most significant thing for a parent to contribute to anyone is their own connection and their own stability. An effective parent is a happy parent. An effective parent is a parent who laughs easily and often, and who doesn’t take things too seriously.”
Abraham Hicks
“Nature does not demand that we be perfect. It requires only that we grow.”
Josh Liebman
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom.”
Victor Frankl
“Your family and your love must be cultivated like a garden. Time, effort, and imagination must be summoned constantly to keep any relationship flourishing and growing.”
Jim Rohn
“I have come to a frightening conclusion.
I am the decisive element in the classroom.
It is my personal approach that creates the climate.
It is my daily mood that makes the weather.
As a teacher I possess tremendous power to make a child’s life miserable or joyous.
I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration.
I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal.
In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated, and a child humanized or de-humanized.”
Haim Ginott
The greatest act parents can learn is the act of “seeing” what is going on “inside” their child and then “lovingly responding” to that, instead of reacting to the outward behavior.
Linda Hatfield
